Monday, February 23, 2015

Count Takes you to the Oscars

Well my pretties, the time has come for another trip to the Oscars, 2015 version.  Here are my random thoughts and takes re what I watched last night.  Overall a pretty boring show but still, there is always fun to be made of the celebrities, their clothes etc.  Hope you enjoy.

Hey Doogie Howser, you are so grown up?  Next time, no white briefs though.

The Oscars, the best and the whitest, great line.

Hey Oprah Winfrey, so much for the weight loss regime.

No Oscars is complete with a shot of the gratuitous beaver scene from Sharon Stone.

Anna Kendrick, will you marry me?

Nice forehead Lupita, you know Rogaine might help you.

Ethan Hawke should have kept the movie pornstache.

JK Simmons scares me and he isn't even my teacher.

Damn Octavia, that is an ugly dress, too paid you paid a ton for it.

Hey, it's Qui Gonn Jin, can I please be your padawan?  Master, didn't you know that black is a Sith colour, not a Jedi colour?

Clint Eastwood is still the coolest and toughest man alive.

Dakota Johnson can tie me up anytime.

Hey Adam Levine, I guess you think you are cool because you have had two Victoria's Secret Models.

Jenny Lopez, my oh my, more cleavage next year ok?

Reece Witherspoon, lovely dress but damn girl, do something with your hair.

I think Doogie is in love with Channing Tatum.

Nikki Kidman, it's called food, eat it.


Keira Knightley, you can do better that than guy.

Why didn't Shirley MacLaine come out in a Nazi outfit?

The possum in the song was cool.

Hey, it's Oprah's parasitical boyfriend.  Has anyone figured out why she kept him around that long?  Seriously, what has he brought to that relationship?

Jason Bateman, whatever happened to Justine?

Carrie Washington, ooh la la

Ellen Goosenberg Kent, WTF are you wearing, your cat's furballs?

I guess because African Americans aren't up for many awards this year, they get to present them to the whities?

A red tux on Martin Luther King Jr. ugh.

Gwyneth Paltrow, can you uncouple from that ugly dress?

Hey Margot, more red lipstick next year, you didn't have enough on.

Sienna Miller, what's up, nice dress.

Bradley Cooper's date looks so much like him, she could almost pass as his mom, his next role will be Oedipus Rex.

Jared Leto, how 1970s of you.

Ah yes, the annual Meryl Streep nomination.  Listen ladies, there are really only nine nominations open to you, she gets one automatically, live with it

Patty Arquette, not too vain to put on reading glasses, good on you.

Still Patty, should an actress who makes millions really whine about equal pay?

The Apes must be pissed off Interstellar won, next up, Apes are going to kick some astronaut ass.

How short do you have to be to be shorter than Anna Kendrick?

Finally the Rock has come back to the Oscars.

Zoe Saldana's dress, nicest so far.

I want to stay at the Grand Budapest Hotel.

Are half the actors in the Screen Actors' Guild from the UK now? 

Meryl Streep doesn't age.

Damn the crisp and clean and no caffeine 7up guy died? Noooooooooooooooo

Louis Jourdan is dead?  Didn't he fly into a mountain and die in a bad Bond movie?

Eli Wallach is dead?  Nooooooooo Blondie, no

Jenny Hudson, nice boy haircut

Only Benedict Cumberbatch could pull off a white tux

Naomi Watts' dress made her look like a mermaid

Terence Howard, damn brother, leave the emotions out of it, you are a actor for God's Sake, act!

Jenny Aniston looking good girl, too bad you couldn't keep Brad happy

Octavia Spencer, nice pup tent you are wearing

Am I racist for fast forwarding through the song Glory?

Hey it's Vinnie Barbarino

Scarlett Johansen is ready for St Patrick's Day already

Lady Gaga, good job, but Julie sang it better in 1964.

There's Julie Andrews, the very definition of style and grace

Rosamund Pike, what's up, framed your husband yet?

Hey it's Axel Foley

Oprah, not a flattering dress, you really did bring booty back

Cate Blanchett looking regal, but damn her hair is a mess

Bradley Cooper probably wishes he could shoot Eddie Redmayne

Matthew McConaughey. it's called a razor

I remember Julianne Moore when she played twins on Guiding Light

To win this year, I guess you had to play a disabled person.

Awesome, totally awesome, there's gnarly Spicolli

Guess I gotta see Birdman now

Who would have thought Michael Keaton would be relevant again.

Alejandro, you should have worn a shirt that said, "don't worry Gringo, I'm legal"

Until next year, Count is out.




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